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Friday 1st Jun 1973

requested by H. Patterson of Worksop

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"Kill all the ducks. Put them in a "duck museum".

Charge all the people a buck and a half just to see 'em."

"Skeleton Escape" Lad in "GM Water" Row

14.02.00 04:16:16 GMT Reporter: Norton Friendly

A man who says that his skeleton "escaped" once is set to sue Yorkshire Water plc for loads, a court heard yesterday.

Carl Pizz, of no fixed abode, Bedfordshire, claims that his entire skeleton "bust out and ran off" after he'd consumed several glasses of tap water in his Oxfordshire home, one evening in 1993.

"One minute I was sat there watching Chegwin", Mr Pizz told us earlier, "And the next, my whole skeleton just burst out of me and legged it across the room."

"I couldn't believe it at first", he continued.

"By the time I'd realised what had happened, the bony twat had made it out through the front door and half way down the street. It was giggling like a fucking girl."

Mr Pizz says that he attempted to give chase, but was hampered by his newfound absence of skeletal structure.

Skeletons look like this
"When I got outside it was stood at the end of the cul-de-sac, giving me the 'V's and doing chants", he told us, angrily.

"I tried to catch up with it, but it just ran off towards Yates's."

He went on to describe how he was later able to coax the skeleton back within himself using a trail of biscuits.

"That's what the corset's for, see: Keep 'im inside. Stop 'im doing it again. Aye", he explained.

Lawyers acting on Mr Pizz's instructions have started proceedings to bring an action against Yorkshire Water plc, claiming that experimental genetically modified water supplied by the company may have somehow contributed to Pizz's skeletal friskiness.

The company however, vigorously deny any wrong doing.

"You can't genetically modify water", one of their spokesmen told us.

He also went on to describe Carl Pizz as "a fucking loony".

The case continues.


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