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Wednesday 16th Nov 1977

requested by M. Wilson of Shropshire

with the Reverend Daniel O'Shelves
the Reverend Daniel o'Shelves

"Do shit-heads go out and get piss-faced?"

Stop This Elephant Madness Now!

06.10.02 01:36:17 GMT Reporter: Daley Mayall

A gigantic inhuman beast with a scaly grey hide lumbers its way across a deserted landscape, its hugely deformed nasal appendage swinging from side to side. Jutting from its face a pair of ghastly razor sharp spikes maybe several feet long glisten in the tropical sun as its unnaturally huge ears flap insanely in the breeze.

But this is not a scene from some depraved "science fiction" video nasty. Rather, it is an everyday reality for millions of Africans and Indians forced to share their lives with these monstrous, yet all too real, creatures.

For, unbelievable as it sounds, these hellish beasts, these "elephants" are freely permitted to roam around as they see fit, treating these proud British colonies as their own personal playgrounds.

Elephants: Hairy Japanese bastards
None of them pay taxes. Many of them steal whatever food they desire without even offering to pay for it. Sometimes the beasts can even be seen parading around naked, having sex or defecating outdoors, in full view of shocked western holidaymakers.

Now, John Fanzine has nothing against animals, but this is clearly taking things too far. A kitten or Pekinese is one thing, but these so-called "elephants" are another entirely.

Worse still, rather than working to rid the world of these dangerous scroungers, numerous liberal minded do-gooders in the UK have chosen instead to welcome them to our shores with open arms.

Already, several "zoos" across Britain are home to these ghastly freaks of nature. Essentially holiday camps, these purpose-built facilities house countless thousands of elephants in unimaginable luxury - all at the tax payer's expense.

And more can only follow.

How long before an obedient British child is trampled in the face by a pair of rutting "elephants" whilst innocently taking a basket of goodies to her grandmother?

How long before a member of YOUR family is crushed to death on their way to work by a herd of these filthy grey monsters?

We say that immediate action must be taken, and it must be taken NOW.

Otherwise it can surely only be a matter of time before our once proud nation becomes irrevocably destroyed by this insidious grey menace.



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