Advertising Feature

FATTIES!

Are you looking for a way to shed that unsightly excess tonnage without the inconvenience of having to stop eating cake all the time ?

Thanks to recent technological advances this is now possible !


Scientific Breakthrough

The revolutionary LEOTARDIS represents an unparalleled breakthrough in the field of interdimensional engineering but, more importantly, is also the most effective method yet devised of stopping looking like a lard arse.

Put simply, the LEOTARDIS is the first ever item of clothing to be bigger on the INSIDE than it is on the OUTSIDE.

This affords gut buckets like yourself the chance to cram their ponderous bulk into a volume barely larger than that of Kate Moss, thereby attaining instantly the sylph-like figure they have always desired !


But don't just take our word for it!

Here are just some of the literally several letters we have received from satisfied ex-tubsters...
(The names have been changed to protect the corpulent)


Since buying my LEOTARDIS I can tie my own shoe laces and speak without breaking into a sweat! All without having to give up my hobby of consuming astronomical quantities of pork!

Vanessa Jeltz, meat plucker
Before I got my LEOTARDIS, the girls at school used to call me "obese Denise" and pull my hair. But not now!
Now they call me "spazzy gob bitch face"

Peter Bread, headmaster


That's what the LEOTARDIS's for, see: Keep 'im inside. Stop 'im doing it again. Aye.

Carl Pizz, visual percussionist


THE LEOTARDIS
BEFORE

AFTER





IMAGINE!
No need to stop eating big baths full of trifle morning, noon and night !

No need to spend a fortune on diet books and exercise videos you will never use !

No need to keep blaming your lardy arse on your "glands" !

ORDER YOUR LEOTARDIS TODAY!



YES! I would like to stop being a podge baron !

Please send me LEOTARDIS(ES) at 99.99 each.

Name  

Address  

Size  


I understand that if I am not completely satisfied with my LEOTARDIS I may simply return it within 14 days for a full refund and spend the rest of my life being laughed at instead











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